Yes...no..noo..yess..umm maybe?

March 11, 2008
**i wrote this on march 11 when i was feeling completely lost but couldnt post it till now. To keep authencity of the blog, i wish i could post back dated blogs...but oh well..****

We tell ourselves we wont make the same mistakes again, but how often does that actually help? Dont we end up ignoring our own advice and stumble and fall over and over again? And if we do, what is the way out? how do we tell ourselves to stop the brutal damange we keep doing to our hearts and minds?
I know what i am doing is wrong, well not really wrong but its not doing any good. all it does it hurt my feelings over and over again. I am not causing damange to anyone but myself, is that still wrong? or is it legal to damage our own sanity?
What do you do when you are in love with someone who is in love with someone else? isn't that life's biggest irony? I know this happens to countless people but I still feel like I am the first one to go through this suffering(although not for the first time but feels as painful as ever). I cant even blame anyone else for it this time, it is totally my own doing. I told myself i wont make the mistake again, i wont fall in love again or get attached to someone who will hurt me again, but oh well life happens.
Funny how i can go from being completely angry and resentful to totally aloof in the span of few hours. I dont know if everyone has such volatile emotions or its just me...makes it difficult to understand what i actually feel..Which feeling is true?what i am feeling right now or the way i felt 3 hours ago !!